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Family &
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Parents"

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Communication Tips for Parents

Be available for your children
• Notice times when your
kids are most likely to talk--for example, at bedtime, before dinner, in the
car--and be available.
• Start the conversation; it lets your kids know you
care about what's happening in their lives.
• Find time each week for a
one-on-one activity with each child, and avoid scheduling other activities
during that time.
• Learn about your children's interests--for example,
favorite music and activities--and show interest in them.
• Initiate
conversations by sharing what you have been thinking about rather than beginning
a conversation with a question.

Let your kids know you're listening
• When your children
are talking about concerns, stop whatever you are doing and listen.
• Express
interest in what they are saying without being intrusive.
• Listen to their
point of view, even if it's difficult to hear.
• Let them complete their
point before you respond.
• Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you
understand them correctly.

Respond in a way your children will hear
• Soften strong
reactions; kids will tune you out if you appear angry or defensive.
• Express
your opinion without putting down theirs; acknowledge that it's okay to
disagree.
• Resist arguing about who is right. Instead say, "I know you
disagree with me, but this is what I think."
• Focus on your child's feelings
rather than your own during your conversation.

Remember:
• Ask your children what they may want or need
from you in a conversation, such as advice, simply listening, help in dealing
with feelings, or help solving a problem.
• Kids learn by imitating. Most
often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems,
and work through difficult feelings.
• Talk to your children--don't lecture,
criticize, threaten, or say hurtful things.
• Kids learn from their own
choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don't feel you have to
step in.
• Realize your children may test you by telling you a small part of
what is bothering them. Listen carefully to what they say, encourage them to
talk, and they may share the rest of the story.

Parenting is hard work
• Listening and talking is the key
to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard
work and maintaining a good connection with teens can be challenging, especially
since parents are dealing with many other pressures. If you are having problems
over an extended period of time, you might want to consider consulting with a
mental health professional to find out how they can help.

For additional copies of Communication Tips for Parents, call
1-800-268-0078.

Special thanks to:
Dr. Molly Brunk, Center for Public Policy, Virginia
Commonwealth University
Dr. Jana Martin, Psychology Regional Network, Los
Angeles, California
Dr. Nancy Molitor, Northwestern Health Care, Evanston,
Illinois
Dr. Janis Sanchez-Hucles, Old Dominion University, Norfolk,
Virginia

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